Team Sofa King Awesome - Game 3

Peeps-here is the latest write up from last weeks game (our theme was bikers/Harley) Sorry for the delay, I kind of had a few things going on with my best friend getting married and all...

Sofa King Rewards Tough Loss with Barley Revenge on Liver

By: Lance Goodthrust – Editor-in-Chief

HOUSTON, Tex. – As gracefully as they could, Sofa King Awesome avenged their first loss of the kickball season by going all Atilla the Hun at the bar.  Beer - Our Performance Enhancing Drug stunned themselves into a 2-1 victory over Sofa King, proving that a supremely horrible team name can still provide some semblance of athletic ability.

Sofa King coach, David “I Need a Bib” Joekel was not willing to accept that the better team really won.

“This only proves that on any given night, anyone can be beat.” And after a long pause and fighting back tears added, “But it also proves that their team is full of communicable diseases and we probably played them the one week when they didn’t have any visible sores.”

Cold sores aside, the on-field performance by Sofa King didn’t exactly scream success.  Beer PED stumbled in two first-inning runs while Sofa King struggled to get their kicking legs going.  Also Sofa King was not helped by a small roster because of the following absences by team members:

Andrew Brooks – sprained vagina

Emily Broussard – sore back from picking up puppy poop

Marsha Fernandes – International travel for on-going mission work to spread the Gospel According to Canucks

Tanner Honea – writing and research for a medical journal entry on Vaginal Sprains and Their Effects on Manhood & Negative Impact on Kickball Team Results

Zack & Angela Skinner – unexcused absence, (*history would indicate another happy hour that turned into happy entire night)

Travis & Patty Arnce – attending Univ. of Florida Spring Football game – previewing the impending 7-6 season under first year coach Will Muschamp and new Offensive Coordinator Jabba the Hutt Charlie Weis.

Sean McBeth – Battlestar Galactica marathon on TV

There were a few standout moments on the field, at least worth mentioning.  Top-10 highlight machine Marshall “Don’t Call Me McDreamy” Guy threw out multiple runners from the hot-corner.  And Melissa “Boom Motherfuc*ers!” Broadway’s defensive skills keep poking through at the right moment, just like a school boy and his first pair of boxer shorts.

Notwithstanding, and a last inning spark by Corie “Itsy Bitsy Bang Bang” Leaman, Sofa King two pump chumped into the final out but at least stayed around to cuddle with some beers and encourage each other with messages like “I’m sorry I swear that’s never happened to me before” and “Maybe next time we try different positions.”  

After a quick recharge with some post game protein beers, Sofa King ventured to the bar to reclaim their place atop the Flip Cup leaderboard.  Beer PED was looking confident with their arrival to the table, but quickly found themselves overmatched by a beer tornado made up of all-stars Tracey Crawford, Arabella Di Bagno Guidi, David Joekel, Daren Darden, and first bar-appearing wunderkind Jessica “I’m Not Jewish, I just play one on my Blog” Schwartz.

Sofa King won the first game easily, and again quickly defused the smack-talk of another drinking team of meth-mouthed muppet show rejects.  Flip after flip it became apparent that Sofa King wanted revenge, and took it 3-1 in what was not as close a match as the score indicates.

Crawford smiled with approval and was proud that her team bounced back from the on-field catholic school spanking.

“Watching them flip cups was like watching a dog lick itself.  I mean, I realize what they’re trying to do but it makes you want to throw up in your own mouth.”

Schwartz’s reaction to her first victory was throwing a flying forearm to the King of the Hill game for a 4^th place finish overall, giving Sofa King additional points for the ever-not-so-important King of the Hill standings.  League Commissioner Matt Pennebaker notices the consistency of Sofa King so far and hopes it continues for the overall success of the league.

**quote removed due to inappropriateness**

With the loss Sofa King drops to 2-1 on the season for a three way tie for third place in the league, but in sole possession of first place in Awesomeness, Themes, Attractiveness, and Facebook-ing, natch. 

Next week they take on My Kick’s Enormous in a 7:00pm game that features spandex, short shorts, and a total lack of self-respect.