Why I will never read Texas Monthly Magazine

After watching a show on the Food/Travel Channel one night, and after reviewing this article, I became outraged. How DARE they claim that Lockhart, TX has the best BBQ in Texas! Have these inbreds HEARD of Bodacious?? Anyone from Longview would have taken offense to that claim, so what did I do? I decided to go out and do my own research, natch.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Jess, you're going to go into this very close minded and will turn your nose at anything non-Bodacious, since you love that place so much!" Well, I will have to tell you that is false. I believe I am a pretty open-minded person. I appreciate a good competition. I already hate Smitty's and Kreuz with every bone in my body.  I will give them a fair analysis. So, onwards to Lockhart we go!

It *just so happened* that the only clean t-shirt I had to wear that day was this amazing shirt that KMFJ bought for me a few years back. What!?

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Stop 1: Smitty's
What we got: brisket and a sausage link, potato salad, Dr. Pepper, bread (not Mrs. Baird's....what??)

Conclusion: 1.5 stars out of 5

The brisket was dry. The sausage link was a big pile of (tasteless) grease, the potato salad had to be eaten with our fingers because they don't have forks (thanks, local 8 year old for informing us of that). No BBQ sauce anywhere to be found.  At least the Dr. Pepper was tasty?

Stop 2: Kreuz (pronounced Krits....really?)

What we got: beef ribs, jalapeno and cheese sausage link, bread (again, not Mrs. Baird's. This city is anti-Texan), beans, pickles (hooray!) and jalapenos.

Conclusion: 3.5 out of 5

The ribs (although extremely tough and 90% fat) actually had a good taste to them. And the sausage link, albeit greasy as all get out, had a good taste to it as well. I didn't try the beans, but I heard they were good. Although they were a bit stingy with the bread! And the pickles! You had to pay for pickles! Bodacious gives 'em away for free....just sayin....

Peace out Lockhart! We probably won't take you up on that request. Ever.

The day wasn't a complete bust. I did get to write 2 Yelp reviews and then we spent the day on the Riverwalk in San Antonio for some day drinking, which is guaranteed fun. Thanks (actually no thanks) to Google maps, we were thisclose to being stolen by the Mexican mafia. And I also got a sweet new keychain. And we got to visit the Alamo and take awkward touristy photos in front of it.

Till next time, San Antonio!